I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
