Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
