can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
