Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You don't make any sense
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