Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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