you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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