she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
