I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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