I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Boobs speak an international language.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
