Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
