You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
