Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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