i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
