Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
