Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
