where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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