I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
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i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
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you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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