is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
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