I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
