Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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