Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize