8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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