Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
