so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
