Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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