I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
