when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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