I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
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hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
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I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning