Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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