How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.