he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
well, you know. whores of a feather.