Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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