I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
thus making me awesome and them whores
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
