This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
