i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
