He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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