I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
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can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
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Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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