im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
