I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
