That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
tell me about the fingering
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