Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
