absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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