do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
