i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
