No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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