The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
