Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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