I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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