You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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