Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
