dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Why can't burritos get me drunk
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
