I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
