she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
