well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
