My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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