It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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