I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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