I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
