its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
As shirtless as possible
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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