Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
