Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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