So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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