Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
