your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
