It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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