Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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