Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
