I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
