i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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