STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
