meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
