He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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