Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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