im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
