drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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