I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize